How I Beat a LIDAR Speeding Ticket
My wife and I were going to dinner one miserable January night. I was driving
through "a well-known-local-speed-trap" as I referred to it later. The speed limit
on this wide and uncrowded highway was a mysterious 45 mph, and in truth I
was going ...maybe 49 mph. I was not watching the speedometer, but I was sure
about this as we were just motoring along in no particular hurry, and I drive these
roads frequently.
Just as we came up to a patrol car, several trucks and SUV's zoomed past me
and the cop waved his flashlight in my direction. I thought he had waved over the
vehicles passing me, but a few seconds later—on came the lights right behind
me. I thought..."broken light?" but was amazed when the cop said he measured
me on LIDAR and handed me a speeding ticket for 59 mph. I was polite and
signed the ticket and thanked the officer.
So there I was.... I believed I was truly not guilty. The fine would have been $160
or so, but I knew that the real damage would come later with the insurance bill.
So what does an innocent man do when confronted with injustice? I recalled a
traffic-school instructor who explained that one NEVER has to get a ticket on his
record, but it could take time and effort and infinite appeals to win. The court will
fold before you do if you keep appealing. During class he had repeated held up a
dog-eared paperback copy of the US constitution and said rhetorically,"...and
why do we have that right?” The traffic school class would shout in unison...”It's
in the Constitution!"
I asked for a continuance to study the matters because any delay works in favor
of the defendant, and I gathered up all the information I could. I finally bought the
Loompanics book on how to beat speeding tickets. They mentioned that LIDAR
errors occur if the cop focuses on your roof rack but in squeezing the trigger jerks
down to your headlights or front grill. This at least gave me room to argue. They
also mentioned that there is a real difference between "Absolute" and "Relative"
speed limits. Absolute speed limits are found only on restricted-access roads
such as freeways, turnpikes, and expressways. Absolute speed limits CANNOT
be contested without good counter-evidence. The officer’s word is gospel.
Relative speed limits, on the other hand, require that the officer state that the
speed was unsafe (this is important), and witness testimony (such as my wife’s)
is allowed. The court can hear all sorts of excuses— ("Ahh...my gas pedal
stuck...."). Hmmmm…this held promise as a defense.
I appeared before the magistrate (who made Tomas de Torquemada seem
nice...in fact that might have been his name...), and after some wrangling and
demanding my day in court, I paid a $20 fee and was given a date to appear.
Finally I had my day in court—